Hojo's New Experiment
by Rounin
Summary: Zack and his friend, Kunsel, are hanging around the SOLDIER Floor when they notice an infantryman stationed in front of the Training Room. Curiosity has definitely killed these cats! Please read and review!


Hey! I know, it's been a long long time since I've submitted any new fanfics and/or updated chapters to my current ones. You see, I've had quite a rough semester and all my attention's been towards my Chemistry class (which I am happy to say I have managed to pass) so I haven't been able to write anything. All my unfinished chapters are written down in that journal my friend had given me a year ago so all I have to do is make a few revisions here and there and then it'll be all set to update! :)

I hope this short (and hopefully humorous) one-shot fic will make up for my lack of updates and such! Consider it as a tiny Christmas present! Enjoy! Oh, and don't forget to drop by a review as well! I'd really appreciate it!

**Disclaimer:** Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core belongs to Square Enix

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Hojo's New Experiment**_

"What's Hojo doing in the training room?"

"I'm sorry, Mister SOLDIER, but that information is strictly confidential."

Zack Fair, a 1st Class SOLDIER operative, was on the 49th floor of the Shinra building, standing in front of the door leading to the Training Room. A Shinra infantryman was standing guard, preventing him from going inside. Kunsel, a 2nd Class SOLDIER, was standing behind Zack.

"So, Hojo's up to one of his typical experiments, huh?"

The infantryman nodded. "Yes, sir! But as you can clearly see, I am but a lowly soldier guarding this door and I do not have the power to stop you from entering. I leave the decisions up to you, Mister SOLDIER."

A small grin started to creep on Zack's features as he turned to face his friend. "What do you think, Kunsel?"

"Well, considering that this person before us considers himself a Shinra infantryman when he can't even keep us SOLDIERs from entering a room…" The guard at the door cleared his throat audibly to catch their attention.

"Sir, I'm not deaf. I can hear you quite well."

Zack eyed the guard with a smirk. "Yeah, I think those officers at the Shinra Academy are being too soft on their cadets. Back when I was in training over there, they would make you go through rigorous training like 500 pushups on a rainy day…those were the good ol' days, eh Kunsel?"

"Yup, Zack. Those were the good old times! Wonder if this shrimp here bribed his officers to pass him off to the Shinra army?"

"Hello? I'm still here? And no, I would never stoop down to that level." the infantryman said somewhat sarcastically, but he was ignored as the two SOLDIERs started to reminisce about their days as cadets in the Academy…

"Remember when they made you run around the field for an hour? Oh man, was that such a pain in the butt!"

"That's nothing compared to what I had to do! Every mistake that you made during practice sessions earned you 100 pushups, sit-ups, and jumping jacks."

"Testing days were painful as well! I remember going through that obstacle course and shooting down all the targets that came at you. Those targets hurt like heck if you missed!"

"Well, I had to do fifty laps around the whole field for one of my midterms when I was at the Academy." the infantryman chimed in, but quickly regretted it as Zack's serious Mako eyes turned on him. Even through the helmet, the infantryman felt like the Mako eyes would shoot lasers out at him at any moment.

"Really, and what rank did you finish at the Academy, grunt?" Zack questioned fiercely. Even Kunsel was taken back by his friend's sudden seriousness.

The young man started fumbling with his fingers out of sheer nervousness. "Well...out of about 600 cadets…" he said, using his fingers to do the rest of his math. "I-I was ranked…590" Silence followed his reply, which was then immediately replaced by Zack and Kunsel's howls of laughter.

"What? 590? And you're allowed to stand guard here?" Kunsel exclaimed, reaching under his helmet to wipe his tearing eyes. "I can't believe it, Zack; they have gone soft on their rookies!"

"What did I tell you, man?" Zack roared, holding his hurting abdomen. "50 laps around the field? Even I had to do more crazy stuff just to pass!"

"You know what!" the infantryman yelled, rolling up his sleeves. "I worked my rear end off just to get to where I am!"

"You mean you worked your rear end off just to be some lowly guard, right?" Kunsel mocked. The insult was enough to make him snap…

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE IN SOLDIER, I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR INSULTS!" The guard unhooked his baton from his belt and charged at Zack and Kunsel…

_Thud!_

Zack had easily taken him out with one single jab into a pressure point on the neck. The infantryman was now slumped on the floor in an unconscious heap.

"Uh, Zack?" Kunsel said anxiously. "I think you may have gone a little too far there. We could get in deep trouble for this, you know."

"But he did it!" Zack wailed, pointing an accusing finger at the guard.

"Stop acting like a baby!" Kunsel yelled. "You're already a 1st Class SOLDIER so you better start acting like an adult!"

"Why?" Zack asked, sniffling.

(Ayaka, the singer, comes in out of nowhere and sings) Whaahy? (Zack and Kunsel look at her, perplexed. She shrugs and goes into the elevator)

"What in Shinra's name was that? Is she some lost tourist or something?" Kunsel asked.

"Dunno." Zack replied, sucking his thumb. Kunsel slapped a hand to his helmet.

"Zack, honestly, I don't know how you even got in the SOLDIER program acting so bipolar. One minute, you're laughing with me and the next, you're blubbering like a baby over this incident!"

"What the heck's your problem?" Zack screamed, shoving his friend roughly. Kunsel staggered backwards, his mouth gaped ajar in shock.

"What'd I do?"

The silly, mischievous grin returned on Zack's face. "Noooothing!"

"Damn it, Zack! Let's just go!" Kunsel yelled, pushing his friend into the Training Room. The scene they saw when they entered made their jaws drop to the ground in horror…

Lego pieces were strewn everywhere and in the middle of the room sat the Professor himself, building something with the tiny toy blocks.

"Professor Hojo!" Zack exclaimed. "What is all of this? Are you turning the Training Room into some kind of daycare center?"

"You are too ignorant to understand!" Hojo retorted, rising to his feet and showing them the model. "As you can see, I am in the middle of researching Project G and the Jenova Project."

"With…Lego blocks?" Kunsel asked, bewildered. "What about those crazy experiments of yours that I've been hearing from the others around here?"

"You're too young to understand if I tried to explain the ingenuity of my plans!" Hojo exclaimed, fitting a blue piece to the model he was building.

"And I think you're too old to understand that Legos are children's toys." Zack remarked. "Besides, how is this going to help Shinra?"

"Observe." Hojo simply said, going over to another table next to the computer where a few completed models were sitting. He grabbed two of them and smashed them together, resulting in more pieces falling on the floor. "That's how this is going to help the company."

"WHAAT!" Kunsel and Zack yelled in unison.

"And they're so fun to play with too!" the Professor chirped, taking another two of his models and sitting on the floor, making car noises as he rolled them on the ground. "Beep beep! Oh no, watch out for that car! Boom! Hee hee!"

"I think Hojo should consider retirement." Zack said, scratching the back of his head.

"Yeah, he should, or else we'll be known as the Shinra Daycare Company in the near future!" Kunsel added as they watched Hojo having fun playing with the Lego models and smashing them up.

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Thanks for reading! Merry Christmas! :D


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